How to Open a Door

How to Open a Door

There are many doors that are part of our perceived reality. Doors have many viable ways of opening, via doorknob, automatic sensor or those awesome flapping ones in western saloons. But it’s hard to know how to open all these differenc kinds of doors. This guide will provide a full-proof way to enter 99.37%...

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How to Be an Urban Vigilante

How to Be an Urban Vigilante

Urban vigilantism is the newest hip trend for young, monied professionals looking for fun and healthy exercise that’s more exciting than a spin class at the Y in that sketchy neighborhood. You know the one, it has all those “bodegas” in it. And popular culture has honed in and blazed a trail for this...

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How to Make Your Pool Boy Bend Over Just Like That

How to Make Your Pool Boy Bend Over Just Like That

We all have pools, and as a result we all have pool boys. They sure can be cute sometimes. The boys, that is. (But maybe also the pools.) But sometimes they do their pool boying wrong, like when they bend over like this but they ought to be bending over just like that. Here...

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How to Wear a Sport Jacket

How to Wear a Sport Jacket

Many people get confused when confronted by sport coats. After all, the word “sport” is right there in the name. Yet, in looking at the garment, it is obvious that sports have nothing to do with them. At least, they haven’t ever since competitive business lunches stopped being a medal event in the Olympics....

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Question: How do I know the opportune moments to wear a top hat?

From Ziah, via e-mail Answer: Every moment is an opportune moment to wear a top hat if: 1) You are Fred Astaire. 2) You are a huge douche. 3) Your name is Percival McFothergill Featherbottom. Otherwise, you may only wear a top hat if you are attending the opening of a factory in the...

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How to Housebreak Your Dog

How to Housebreak Your Dog

Dogs are dumber than most people, which is why they’re pets. In fact, they’re almost as dumb as the dumbest of all humans: babies. Dogs don’t naturally know that they can’t just poop any time or place they please, like in your hat or in your shoes or in your dinner, so they need...

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