How to File Your Taxes

How to File Your Taxes

Every year, Americans fill out papers to make sure they gave the government enough money. But the process is very complicated. Most simply write down a bunch of numbers, the first ones that pop into their head, send them off to the government, and wait to be taken to jail. But you don’t have...

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How to Watch TV

How to Watch TV

Many people these days want to watch TV instead of doing other things. This is the right way to live, because it can lead to entertainment, which leads to satisfaction. To be fully satisfied, you need to know how to watch TV without making fatal mistakes or accidentally ending up on the Golf Channel....

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Question: How do I avoid dropping soap in prison?

From Greg, via email: As a crazy college student, I might be going to jail soon. I heard that dropping the soap is a serious offense in jail, so I was wondering how to avoid doing that. Answer: The rumors about dropping the soap in jail are true. If you drop your soap, the...

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How to Grow a Moustache

How to Grow a Moustache

If there’s anything hotter right now than moustaches, I don’t know what it is, because I don’t really read any news and am just assuming moustaches are hot. What young man has never looked at himself in a mirror and envisioned a lush, virile swathe of hair adorning his upper lip? Here’s how to...

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How to Hold a Viking Funeral

How to Hold a Viking Funeral

In the days past, the noble and kind Vikings of the Norse Lands (the lands with no horses) used to hold elaborate Viking funerals that marked the passing of a loved one or a brave warrior who killed everyone’s loved ones. Like most classical traditions, getting some of the required equipment might be hard...

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Question: UbZqaaNrsJCBufskuNY v5PHxL?

From james, via e-mail Answer: There are few things more difficult in life than learning to UbZqaaNrsJCBufskuNY v5PHxL. It’s rumored that, in Ernest Hemingway’s “lost” suicide note, he discussed UbZqaaNrsJCBufskuNY v5PHxLing at length as something he had problems with for his entire life. We all struggle with UbZqaaNrsJCBufskuNY v5PHxL. But medical and psychological experts in the past...

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