How to Make Your Pool Boy Bend Over Just Like That

We all have pools, and as a result we all have pool boys. They sure can be cute sometimes. The boys, that is. (But maybe also the pools.)

But sometimes they do their pool boying wrong, like when they bend over like this but they ought to be bending over just like that. Here are tips for how you can force your pool boy to bend the right way.

STEPS

  1. Is your pool boy wearing loose or baggy clothing? This could represent an occupational hazard, as baggy clothing might not provide the correct gluteomuscular support. Be a thoughtful employer and provide a pair of swim briefs with a minimum ratio of 20% spandex to 80% nylon or other fabric content. Ratios were invented in Britain during World War II, when families were only allowed a certain percentage of powdered egg formula.
  2. Now that your pool boy is wearing the proper uniform, give him some helpful directions. It is useful to give your pool boy directions while sipping a drink with a good alcohol ratio. I recommend Mojitos.
  3. See that leaf over there? He might need to stretch out and get that leaf with the net.
  4. While he is getting the net, tell him that his left leg looks tense, it might be better if he were to extend it back slightly. You are concerned for his health!
  5. Hmm, what could that be at the edge of the pool? Could the pool boy investigate?
  6. That’s right, sweetcheeks.

TIPS

  • Before hiring your pool boy, check his age. Forcing a pool boy under 18 to bend over just like that is a class 2 felony in many states.
  • Warn your pool boy about the dangers of a t-shirt getting caught in a drain. 78% of pool boy deaths are due to t-shirt strangulation, and your homeowner’s insurance will not cover pool boy deaths because your husband is so cheap.
  • Eventually you may want your pool boy to actually clean your pool in a non-euphemistic way.