How to Make Millions of Dollars Working from Home

Nothing exemplifies the American dream like being your own boss. Making all of that money, though, is drag. But with patience and a good work ethic you can make it in the real world which is your house.


  1. Have no job. This means quitting if you need to.
  2. Hire yourself as your own butler. By working for yourself at home, you will be able to be your own boss. You will need an alternate butlerian identity.
  3. Give your butler self a 401k, pension, healthcare, etc. With all these benefits, you’ll never want to quit!
  4. File for bankruptcy twice. Because you can’t pay your butler and your butlering business also fails. You’ll need a lawyer for this, get one with two socks.
  5. Before losing all money due to bankruptcy, invest business in high risk stocks. These are the ones people are selling really fast that are mentioned in the news along with disaster. .
  6. Win the stock market. Do this by reading stock books.
  7. Use your millions to rehire yourself as personal butler. You aren’t going to walk to get your own wine coolers are you?


  • You can hire yourself as a pool cleaner but you will risk seducing your own wife.
  • When avoiding suspicion as a butler, speak in a British accent. Mexican accents risk deportation.
  • You can alternately bet all money in poker but remember the house rule “If you need the money, you will win but if you get greedy you will lose it all.” Roughly translated it means “Always bet on black”.