How to Interact with a Webpage

You have heard of this World Wide Web, but are unsure how to approach it. You have heard the rumors that digital spiders roam the various spaces therein, but no one has ever lived to tell about them. It is scary!

However, it is possible for the canny “web surfer” to glean information from these treacherous weaves. Insert your boot disc into floppy drive and follow along!

STEPS

  1. Open your “browser.” This is a small window built into your electro-computing contraption. If you do not see an opening, your device has a manufacturing defect. Rectify this with a hacksaw.
  2. Shake your display screen. This will allow the letters to settle evenly.
  3. Read what you see. Someone took a lot of time—minutes, even—to write this information and computize it. Such handcraftsmanship should be honored with your rapt attention.
  4. Write down any factual or spelling errors that you notice. It is customary to send this list to the “web master,” whose name and address should be listed at the bottom of the page. They will thank you for it.
  5. If they do not thank you for it, report them. Address your electro-mail complaint to the Errors and Omissions Department, World Wide Web Commission. (To find their address, see the article, “How to Contact the Errors and Omissions Department of the World Wide Web Commission.) Send multiple copies so that there will be plenty to share.
  6. Practice safe computering. If you see areas of highlighted text, DO NOT click on them! These so-called “links” are deceitful traps. Don’t be enticed by their alluring underscores. Also, wear gloves. The digital spiders have been rumored to bite fingers off.
  7. Leave a comment. Most web pages invite readers to leave their own remarks. Take this opportunity to explain how your political views vary from those of the web master. Be complete, and don’t pull punches. “Web masters” appreciate honesty.
  8. Clean up after yourself. When you have completed reading a web page, sweep any loose letters into your Recycle Bin. As you leave, be certain that your browser window is tightly closed.

TIPS

  • If you do not understand the text, unplug your reading device because it has malfunctioned and switched to its default French status. Wait 30 seconds before plugging it in again.
  • It is preferred to refer to a female site administrator as a “web mistress” or “black widow.”
  • When leaving a comment, it is vital to be first. If not, your reply will not count toward your internet score.