How to Eat an Orange

The Allman Brothers once said, “Eat an orange.” Who are you to doubt the great band behind hits like “Free the Bird” and “Stairway?”

But how do you do it? We were wondering that ourselves, so we looked it up in research and found out for you.

STEPS

  1. Get an orange. Where can you get an orange? They have them in Florida. So go to Florida and ask, “Where is an orange?” Then you’ll get directions to where an orange is. Be sure to find a good one! If it isn’t orange, it’s not a good one.
  2. Open it. Oranges have two parts, the outside and the inside. You don’t want to eat the outside unless you want to get extremely high, so remove that. You can buy orange outside removers in many stores.
  3. Bite it. That doesn’t mean you should die. It means you should put your teeth into the orange and tear it with your teeth.
  4. Taste it. It should taste like orange. Like, imagine orange juice or an orange Starburst. Kind of like that. If it tastes like that, you’re eating it right.
  5. Chew. You do this also with your teeth, but it’s not biting. It’s chewing and you do it different so be different.
  6. Swallow. Do this with your throat.
  7. Digest it. Make sure your stomach and intestines and stuff work before you eat the orange. Congratulations, you ate an orange!

TIPS AND WARNINGS

  • You may think about eating the orange all at once. This is possible, but very difficult. Work your way up to it. Train your body. Travel to the Far East and study with great Zen masters. Then you can probably eat a whole orange.
  • Sometimes oranges come in big bags of a lot of oranges. People just sell these on the street! What a world of riches we live in!
  • People compare oranges with apples sometimes. They are not the same thing. Don’t eat an apple if you’re trying to eat an orange. If you eat an apple, you will have failed!
  • Cheetos are orange but they are not an orange. They taste good, though. It’d be OK if you had some Cheetos.
  • You may want to smell the orange. That’s fine, but this article’s about eating an orange, so, I can’t help you.
  • Oranges are a citrus fruit, and some people are allergic to citrus fruits. If you die while eating the orange, don’t eat any more.