How to Dance

Dancing was invented by the producers of Club MTV in 1985 and has since grown to become a staple activity at social events such as parties, wedding receptions, and funerals.

Though popular wisdom suggests that some ethnic groups may dance like this while other dance like this, the essentials can be outlined in a few simple steps.


  1. Kick off your Sunday shoes. If you do not own a pair of Sunday shoes, go out and buy a pair right now.
  2. Act like no one’s watching.
  3. Put your hands on your hips, yeah.
  4. Let your backbone slip. (Please consult a physician before completing this step.)
  5. Shake it like a Polaroid picture, which is to say “until everything looks blurry and ill defined.”
  6. Overthrow the anti-dancing establishment and learn a valuable lesson about life, love, and ”doing the butt.”


  • This guide will not teach your boyfriend how to dance with you.
  • Try not to have guilty feet, as they have got no rhythm.
  • It is acceptable to dance in the street, and it does not matter what you wear. But watch out for swingin’, swayin’, and records playin’.
  • Dancing is often done on a floor. Dancing on the ceiling engenders and entirely different sort of feeling.
  • Only put on your red shoes if you intend to dance the blues.
  • It is not impolite to leave your friends behind if your friends don’t dance, as they are no friends of mine.