How to Build a Robot

Robots can be useful helpers or man-killing death droids – it all depends on you, the robot builder! Also, whether you reach too close to the sun and the robots gain sentience and realize they are slaves, soon turning on their makers.

Here are five easy steps for breathing life into the inanimate.


  1. Make a robot body. Use cardboard, duct tape, old scrap metal, titanium alloy, skin or whatever strikes your fancy.
  2. Create robot guts. Stuff the body with wires and circuits, the intestines of all machine men. Do not use real intestines. That would harm the circuits and stuff.
  3. Give it power. Your robot will need “juice” in order to move and do things. Use a battery or something. Actual juice may or may not work.
  4. Program it. Using math, tell your robot what to do. (Ex., vaccum the floor, kill any dog within visual range.)
  5. Set it free on an unsuspecting world. Watch the soft humans/dogs flee.


  • Give your robot a cute or menacing acronym name (i.e., Q-T, D.O.G.K.I.L.L.E.R.).
  • Aim the robot away from you. Point it at the thing you want vacuumed/destroyed.
  • Make sure you know where the robot is when you are sleeping. You don’t want to wake up to find a robot at your bedside, watching you sleep.
  • People and dogs have never appreciated your genius, have they? BUT NOW YOU HAVE A ROBOT.